Deep Breath and Sighs

 My father was a smart man and he gave me the foundation in which I based all of adult life. He was a man of many words and he once said " It is not bad to make a mistake as long as you learn from it and not repeat the same mistake. " I must admit I made my share of mistakes and it took longer to learn from some more than others. I know I've aged when I start repeating some of things he said. " Leopard never changes it's spots." " there is more than one way to skin a cat" " Barking up the wrong tree" " turning a blind eye" they are a few of the many things he quoted as I was growing up. 

Mistakes I sure have made some big ones. But in reality or at the time I made excuses for my choices. I have yet to stop learning. I have met a lot of people in my lifetime and one thing is true, everyone has at least one good story. Our stories might differ but the emotions that tie us together are the same. Love, heartache, disappointment are just a few of the emotions that we share in life. 

I woke up in this dream last night. My mother who had passed sometime ago was there with me.  It started out here in the rural area where I live but somehow switched to walking the streets of the city with her. As we talked she shared her disappointment and in that conversation I related as I now experience some of the same issues. Choices and consequences which lead to disappointments  reveals itself often in this journey called life. I try to dwell on the positive but the negative has a way of squeezing it self through the cracks of the door. Dreams are a mix up time and place. I had this dream of you. It was so clear as if you actually were here. It wasn't like extraordinary in the sense, as  we were just sitting their having a conversation. It brought a sense of peace to me. Like our worlds had really come together and it was not yours and autumn's but ours. 

I have learned a lot throughout the years and I find that I am more capable of tripping over those mistakes in my steps to avoid making the same ones over again. One thing is certain is that we are only responsible for our own actions, our own thoughts and our own choices. Wishing and wanting doesn't make it so, especially when it is one sided. 

The sun rising brings with it a new day,

what in life awaits me in these final chapters of life?

"Don't fall there is no one there to catch you. " Ouch don't I know it.

I guess that was one of your lessons. 

"Don't cry over spilled milk."  I filled my share of buckets. 

"You've made your bed,  now lie in it" Don't I know it.

My mother's famous line. She reminded me that I had to live with my choices.

Loving you has been one of the highlights of my life. Not a fairytale but memorable never the less.

I have been in my head a little to much lately. 

I finally went back to work. I have been a little off my game but was super good to see people 

and function. 

I would stay in bed all day if I knew all my dreams would be of you.

Pulling the blanket a little closer and closing my eyes. 

Even when reality is looking you straight in the eye, there is always that thread of denial.

Sometimes we think we are so smart that we are blinded by the truth.

Wants and needs always meet in that gray area. 

The heart can make a fool out of anyone.

Chapters are written by experience and there is no erasing the pages.

You can't buy friendship, love or happiness. 

Experience reveals that we are all not much different but how we respond to the experience is different.

So close and so far.

I do believe God is there to guide us , if only we listen. 

Sometimes I wish I could tear out a few pages and rewrite a few.

The heart never heals, it remains and open wound.

Wisdom...what comes with time.

Life is lessons, there are a few I don't much appreciate.

Soothing the soul... 

Good or bad depends how you look at it.