Rambles

The garden is a paradise in itself, with it comes an understanding and a respect for the lessons of Mother Nature. She teaches us about the calm before the storm, growth, blooms, heartache, faith, hope, desire and the lessons are ongoing. Today was a mixture of thunder storms, high winds and sunshine, it seem to stir a varied amount of emotions. After the storm we see clearly that the strong rooted and most healthiest of plants stood the storm better then the new weakened plants that had not yet grabbed root and collapsed with the pounding of heavy rain. The Peonies are preparing to bloom, I find the buds as beautiful as the blooms them self and have learned to respect all stages of its growth from the moment it breaks the earths crust to it reaches its full bloom.

I feel distant today, partly I find that I have done just a bit to much daydreaming and also that I am trying to bring some order to my thoughts and remind myself of my early in the year, New years Resolution and that was "to be honest with self through all that transposes. " I had wondered was life indeed like nature, all answers carefully hidden awaiting like a treasure chest to be found and the jewels exposed?

Bringing order into a life that had been in a disarray for many years is more difficult then one can imagine, I find my head spinning as I wonder what direction I should be heading. As puzzling as nature can be, I also find the heart to be a big puzzle, not necessarily in the same way. The heart is made up many pieces, just like chapters in a story, various kinds of love and those we love. I tried not to look at the pieces of the heart as a measurement of size but to find the place where they belong and accept the beauty of difference. It tends to lean towards organizing emotions, not lessoning the value of them, but understanding and also understanding that we cannot be responsible for the thoughts and dreams of others but only our own.

I looked back over the last thirty years and I see that much of it had teetered on the goals of the future that somehow collapsed over the years. I found myself treading in waters unidentified and somehow camoflauged but having the texture of quick sand. One foot in and I felt consumed by all that was happening. How was it these walls were built and was I responsible for mortering the brick? I had to question my part or the lack of it and the final outcome.

I looked at what it was I truly needed, or maybe what it was I wanted and I found it all to be clouded, with life comes death and with death an end. I looked around of that which had become my home the children rafting in the stream , the dog laying beneath my feet and the flowers from the garden setting on the table next to me. Enriched with a simplistic beauty and yet lacking something more , what was it that I truly needed to bring or fulfill the completeness that the soul so requires?The answers seem to flow like the stream into the river... in a partnership we seek friendship, I shall turn to you in time of need, but also in time of want to express and share my love for you. Respect, I will not fail to respect you and view life through your eyes as you view through mine. I will keep in confidence that which speaks without words but embraces with the heart. I will keep my mind open and listen to all that you have to say, who you are, your goals and all thoughts that make up your spirit. I will be honest with myself an allow that honesty to flourish within our relationship. I will promise to be better, for myself and for you so that we may enjoy all is we have to give of each other. I will continue to grow and experience and in doing so turn to you to share as we journey forward. I will express gratitude for all that you are and all that you are to me. I will find joy in each morning and a warmth each night and I will savor the smiles that we are able to give each other. The ever importance of touch, I will embrace from a distance further then the stars in the sky or the mountains that expand the miles. I will always love and recieve love and never question such beauty. I will see in you, what you see me, the bonded reflection of love