Newly Fallen Snow

I am tired...so I close my eyes 

and whisper I love you.

To never wake in the arms of love,

or fall asleep with that special one.

That is loneliness and  full despair,

imagining the emptiness without 

you here.

Why is it that choices are never easy? 

I think it has to do with the outcome.

I wanna believe that everything is possible...

I saw the dock,

boats in a row,

snow covered,

rocking slow. 

The river calling,

the wind strong,

as waves race to

meet the shore. 

Season passing,

days gone by, 

hello my love

and goodbye.

Darkness teasing,

the black of night,

creates a mass,

that I cannot fight.

I don't how I got to this point,

but I do know there is no going back.

Screams in silence,

for that which will never be. 

Shards of glass,
splinter the mind,
reminders of yesterday,
and happier times.

The fragments so small,
pierce the heart and soul,
leaving upon the spirit,
a chill that takes it toll.


The winter has been gracious so far. There have been  no bouts with major storms in the area. The wind has not roared and we have had no accumulation really worth reporting. Matter of fact the weather temperatures have been unusually warm that I couldn't help but look forward to spring. The snow that is falling reminds me most of a March snow, here today gone tomorrow. The days lighter cast their rays upon the newly fallen snow and the sparkle creates a shimmer affect that catches the eye.

I couldn't help but think of times of comfort and happiness and wanting  them to last forever. It is inevitable that with each new day a new experience will arise, unless of course we choose to hide from life. The snow untouched has a pristine glow and upon  a closer observation it looks like antique lace woven into natures most magical tapestry. I felt child like wanting to make that first footprint in the snow and  at the same time wanting to hide under a warm blanket. My mind drifts to happier thoughts and I find myself embraced by a calm.

My sister called late last night, it was close to midnight. It is very unusual for her to call so late at night. I quickly asked if anything was wrong but I could instantly tell by her voice that she was agitated. She asked me "why  have we made or continue to make the same choices?" There was no one answer, at times upbringing played a part, she called it " brain washing." But no matter how you look at it our response to life does come from our early experiences. Though I do think there are many reasons we make the choices we do. Sometimes its being selfish or unselfish, confident or insecure, filled with hope or in despair. She rambled a little, I listened and at the same time I knew she was trying to find her own answers. She fell into the trap of the " I shoulda, coulda, woulda." After all was said and done and almost two hours later she said, "if we only knew then what we know now." I pondered a little while longer on that statement, " if only we knew then what we know now." I felt a sadness come over me, the person whom I had looked up to all my life, revealed her own weakness, her sorrow, her mistakes and a journey as she saw it without hope." I thought to myself it's not over, we are just in another chapter, new roads, opportunities and cliche" places to go and people meet. " I tried to emphasize that you can't go back and that to live life to its fullest you just keeping going forward. It just reminds me of one of my favorite writings from Shakespeare. Everyone of us as a part to play and as time goes on and other vulnerabilities surface we realize that our time of exit is really out of our control.

 Shakespeare's As You Like It, 1600:

JAQUES:
All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms.
And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress' eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon's mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lined,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side,
His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.

While I Am Here

While I watch the snowflakes fall,
I'll be grateful as we can lose it all,
time of weakness and that of strength,
a reminder that we sit in the hands of fate.

While I am here and the time so short,
I'll count my blessing as my soul retorts,
not of anger or vengeance shall we go,
it is with love's embrace that guides us so.

I'll write our names in the heavens blue ,
seared forever with my love for you.
Happiness traced and all will see just
how much you really mean to me.

While I am here on this earthly plateau,
I'll complete the journey before I go,
for I have loved and loved received,
and secured in my heart for all eternity.

~

... and then I closed my eyes.

 One of the most intriguing pieces William Shakespeare wrote was "All the world's a stage,and all the men and women merely players;They have their exits and their entrances,and one man in his time plays many parts," I found that each of us view life and our capabilities very differently, but one thing is true, we all have our exits and entrances. People go about measuring the importance of another human being, as if one matters more than another. But time reveals that we are all vulnerable and that there is no greater journey than the one we ourselves are to complete.

When it feels right... it is!

There is no comprise when it comes to love.

 ~

Quitting is easier but also lacks the rewards.

~

We all start on the same plateau, 

the rest depends on how fast and how

 far we choose to  move forward.

~

As long as you hold love in your heart,

your soul will find its way. 

~

Same book... different page. 

~

The intensity in which one loves, reveals the depth in 

which one soul is bonded to another. 

~

If you can see in me what I see  in you, our accomplishments are great, for each mountain between us has been leveled to merely a grain of sand.

Souls

Every now and than my mind does a scan over the last several years of my new found freedoms. Lately it has stopped on this one particular event. I don't do this little off the wall towns celebration anymore and nor do I remember the woman's name that has found a place in my memories. The conversation that occurred between the two of us was rather short but in a few minutes time, she shared pictures, the beginning of her journey and a chapter that has so changed her life. She was in her early thirties, young looking and attractive and working on her survival skills.  She was and is a quick reminder of our vulnerabilities and the hold that time has on us. It wasn't so much her story that was so important, it was more her inner spirit and her philosophy of life that gripped my attention and found a place within my own being. I walked away that day with a greater appreciation for life and have since learned to respect the short period of time we have been given on this earth.
It was Shakespeare who said it best, All the Worlds a Stage...

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms;
And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress' eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon's mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lin'd,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;
His youthful hose, well sav'd, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion;

 Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything." — Jaques (Act II, Scene VII, lines 139-166)

I thought of the cast of characters that have entered and exited on my own stage of life. How did they enhance the journey and what was their intended purpose on this road of life?  I felt a depth so deep and so overflowing that I could not respond with anyone answer. There were many lessons and each person had something to give. Once I heard a professor in his speech say that " we were like a trash receptacle and that everyone we met left a little trash inside.of us. I always thought that was a pretty negative statement and to refer to the magic of life and the experiences as trash was demeaning to the human value of life. Yes, the people I have met shared in themselves in ways that have remained with me, but I see each experience as a gift of knowledge. 


I experienced many emotions and as I filtered through them I allowed, let me repeat that "I allowed" the positive to surface and guide me and the negative to sift through if only as a reminder that we have explored all that life has to offer. When I was a child I asked why? about everything and now I find there is no need for why, because I accept all as a part of who I am. Like a sponge absorbing the sea, I have gathered the memories, the knowledge and all the experiences and used them as a schematic of sort to direct me in all that I do. Our walk through life is unique to us, it is our emotions which are quite similar. Let it be known that love guides me in all that I do and allow that love to guide you. 




The Emotions Within


I once knew fear it held me so,
it gripped so tight and it wouldn't
let go. 


Frustration and anger and lack
of trust, misguided  soul filled 
with disgust.

Surprised and happy overflowing
with joy when a love surfaced
that nothing could destroy.


Optimistic, filled with trust,
speaking of love and not of
lust.


Souls attracted, caring and
kind, leads the heart beyond
the mind.


Euphoria created of bliss of 
just one thought of your sweet
kiss.


The pleasure is surely mine,
content of heart, no measure
of time.


Dreams that fuel the fire
and a flame of love which is 
heaven inspired.