Memory

 My earliest memory..." Don't leave the yard." My favorite childhood memory.. Putting my feet on my Dad's shoes as he teaches me to dance in the kitchen. One of my fondest dancing with my brother when we were adults. One of the most difficult... childbirth. Amazing that something so difficult can bring forward something so beautiful. It was once said by a friend that "now is not the time for learning but for enjoying the fruits of our harvest." But I have yet to stop learning as I share time with my daughter I find us experiencing and learning new things together. There are times I wish I could save her the pain of experience to only find that she has to experience to find her own path and that in no way can I shorten or lessen the pain of her path. 

When I was in a second hand store dropping off a box of clothes I heard and elderly couple talking. The old woman looked at a box and said to her husband " This is where we come to die as our memories end up a box at the second hand store. " When we die our memories go with us. Looking around the house at the knick knack and bric brac collected over the years I thought they are just items if you don't look at the stories behind them. My grandmothers powder box, my great grandmothers vase, the candy dish we picked up while antique shopping...things with memories attached. Our experiences, laughter and tears amount to a box of memories. 

The secret memories that I have kept tucked away. 

The lights of the city, 

the smell of cologne,  

the first poem written,

the fallen tears of heartache. 

The many chapters of life,

time quickly passed, 

love and fear, 

choices.

Hello and goodbyes, 

emotional attachment, 

destiny and fate,

energy of souls. 

Feelings - Morris Albert (lyrics)

My King

 In a world of dreams

your arms are where I'll be,

bringing comfort to me

it must be fantasy.

I could sleep day and night

to have you in my life,

and feel the touch of love

on those clouds above.

What is or isn't meant to be

you're still my king and I your queen,

in this world of memories

the visuals are so darn sweet.

Just a Thought On A Cold...

 It is easy to love but for two to love equally is a rarity. 

If I think too hard the part of me that died ...aches. 

Life is a rollercoaster, every time you get ready to step off it speeds up.

Ho can I make you understand....

Easy to lie to oneself. 

Trisha Yearwood - How Do I Live (Ost. Con Air) (Music Video)

Care

 When the pages were all turned

and the chapters faded away, 

the miles between us never

stopped the friendship that remains.

The smile between us 

it's always there 

as a reminder of you my sweet

who showed you always cared.

Journey

 One heaven above us, 

and one earth below

the experiences are many

to each who dare to grow.

The journey is filled 

with many hills to climb,

but I have realized 

we are short on time.

Make the most 

of each second of the day,

in the magic of life 

its brings joy our way.

My Dreams

 I'm enjoying the moment,

I'm taking in the day.

I don't need your nonsense

in any form or way.

From the moment I wake up

till I'm fast asleep,

I celebrate this life and

all it seems to bring.

You might have let go

and walked away 

but I have survived

in my own way.

First, I was frightened

I didn't want to be alone

and then it occurred to

me that I have truly grown.

I no longer struggle

for something that don't exist,

or beg in silence

for your kiss.

This world I live in

now nested in peace,

as the day passes by

I am no longer weighted

by the dreams of bliss.

Sings ..Loving you

 There is nothing I would do

 or  I could do to stop from loving you.

Like a song of old or one of gold,

the music takes a hold.

My mind drifts a far up to the stars

but there you remain in my heart.

There is nothing I would do or

I could to stop from loving you.

True Delight

 Jumping clouds and holding hands, 

in this moment the dreams command. 

Starry nights and skies of blue 

and there I dance as one from two. 

See it, feel it ...so surreal 

in your arms the visuals reveal,

sweet and loving and all we are 

that we can unite from afar. 

~

With my eyes tightly closed 

my heart is given clear sight,

I can see what's meant to be 

with the magic of memories. 

Physical may cause a block

but I can feel you when you talk,

as if the words come to life 

to my soul a true delight.

Can't Sleep Thoughts

 Positive memories keep me afloat when

 the negative memories try to drown me. 

Some people are indeed a chapter,

it's a rare individual that makes a whole book.

It is difficult to focus on tomorrow 

when we are not even promised today.

Live and let live seems easy 

but difficult for most. 

To be joined just to be torn apart 

is an experience that I regret having to endure.

One can hope

 Death is the final goodbye. 

~

All that is left is a hole where you fill with memories. 

~

If we are energy I hope our spirits reunite. 

What's your story?

 Everyone has got at least one story.

There is no better or worse as we all at one time or

 another experience and express the same set of emotions. 

~

• Admiration
• Adoration
• Aesthetic appreciation
• Amusement
• Anxiety
• Awe
• Awkwardness
• Boredom
• Calmness
• Confusion
• Craving
• Disgust
• Empathetic pain
• Entrancement
• Envy
• Excitement
• Fear
• Horror
• Interest
• Joy
• Nostalgia
• Romance
• Sadness
• Satisfaction
• Sexual desire
• Sympathy
• Triumph

I believe I experienced all but two of these emotions with you .

One story does not weigh heavier than another but it all depends on how much you can carry. 

See you soon

 Living in two worlds 

one I am there with you,

living in a dream holding

hands all night thru.

Spending my nights

with a silly smile, 

I think I am going back 

to sleep for a little while.

I wish you could feel the way I feel,

in this dream like made up world.

It is all I have this dream of you,

rolling on over, I'll see you soon.

Barbara Lynn - YOU'LL LOSE A GOOD THING - 1962 Original!

Hurt So Bad - Little Anthony & The Imperials.avi

Little Anthony & The Imperials - Tears On My Pillow

I'm On The Outside (Looking In)

Dedicated to my brother who had a heart. 

Daydream

 I closed my eyes tightly

and there I saw you, 

holding me ever so close 

and dancing the night thru. 

My heart felt your warmth, 

my soul could not deny, 

that in this day dream 

there is only you and I. 

I don't want to wake up 

to break this spell, 

to do otherwise 

would be certainly hell.

Tomorrow

 You can't rewrite the chapters of life 

and there is no labeling them wrong or right. 

Only thing we can do is write a page new

as tomorrow takes on a different light. 

You can't rewrite the chapters of life 

and there is no labeling them wrong or right.

One thing is true and I guess I always knew

tomorrow will bring on something anew.

You can't rewrite the chapters of life

and there is no labeling them wrong or right. 

We are who we are formed from the heart

that is why each chapter includes you.

Deep

 What is this connection uniting soul to soul? 

What causes this unusual everlasting hold? 

I thought about it both day and night 

the feelings that bring sweet love to life. 

This love for you 

is found deep in the heart 

undeniable that this is where

the seeds of love got their start

Fused two souls into one

from the moment we bonded by love,

the connection undeniable that is true

it's what they call " falling in love 

with you"

Peace and contentment

showered down from the heavens high

as a reminder that something changed 

that can never be denied.

My Heart

 Venus shining brightly in the night sky

closer and closer at this January time.

The more I gazed on the planet up high

the more I realized that it was uniting you and I.

Snow blankets over the fields and hills 

causing me to quiver from this winter chill,

The moment was perfect as perfect can be

as I knew that you were here as long as I 

could daydream. 

The clouds were passing slow but steadily

as if they could take a message from me,

I knew they would arrive wherever you are,

so I whispered to the heavens "take to him my

heart. "

Box

 I don't want to take down my Christmas tree. It is just to perfect to pack up. I was thinking about what is important in this life and it reminded me of this elderly couple in a second hand store. As the older woman strolled down the isles looking at the old items she said to her husband" when we die this is what happens to our stuff, they box it up and bring it here." I laughed as I thought woe in the end we are a box of second hand store things. What is important ? I guess I have hit those markers, I laughed, cried, traveled, lived and loved. But when its all said and done we are just a box of second hand store items. 

It is a cold January day and I'm feel the wings of freedom. No one to tell me when to wake up and when to go to sleep. But most of all the freedom comes when worry is lifted from the soul. What is to worry about sooner or later we all meet our maker . As I gaze at the Christmas tree and not wanting to take it down. The tree becomes a reminder that no one iw promised tomorrow. 

I sailed the ocean, 

walked  alone in the sand,

felt the warmth that only 

dreams command. 

The visuals delightful 

as if you were here, 

and in this moment

our love we shared.

As long as I can dream

I certainly have everything, 

the memories that touch the heart

from that first magical spark. 

whisp of early morn

Inner Peace...free of fear, worry. 

When emptiness of emotion is filling...

I like colored lights.

Drama everyone else's story.

I indeed hold the pen.

Blowing in the wind.

Sunshine that comes from the soul.

Okay I've said it ...goodbye.

Story

Reading a few biographies it is conclusive that everyone has at least one story. No matter how sensational or mundane, it is their  story with heartache and triumphs of one kind or another.  Depending on the depth of emotion and how much is felt  gives the story their edge. 

I have come to appreciate solitude, there is something peaceful in not having to respond to the drama that other people bring into the framework of life. On a recent cruise people came and went in passing. Like a quick hello and goodbye without the strings of emotion. It make for a joyous occasion. 

I had this dream unusual at it was it was like a comedy that kind of put a death of a dear friend to rest. In the dream my brother in law was in prison and one of the guards helped him break out. I had him dress as a woman as we were on the run in the dream. I felt a sense of peace seeing him as he was big part of my life as everyone I had known had passed away. Tears fall as I think of all the goodbyes. I wondered to myself what is my story? What did I overcome, what were my trials and triumphs?  I must have an overworked guardian angel as I think of all the people who took my hand if only for a little while. My earliest memories have always been distant, like a gray day where you can't see clearly. But the first one that comes to mind is my mother saying"don't leave the yard." Ah.. the big back yard I can't remember how old I was when I realized there was more to the world than that "Big back Yard." I tried to think in depth what came next from that moment,not what I was told but what I could truly remember. There is a gap of those first 6 years that I really can't fill in. It is not like I haven't tried, they just have always been blank.  From the age of six to nine I can count six places that I lived and as many schools. Each location comes with a glimpse of childhood. I can see the outside of each building but I can't open the door with my mind and enter the building. All of the memories from that time are outside of each house. I was the proverbial new girl in school. " Meet Rachel our new girl."

I guess I managed to get use to people in passing, they have been that way since I can remember.

I have been working on my family tree for sometime now but what really was interesting was the historical  newspapers that you can find online. Some of the articles actually were documentations of my childhood. It was uncanny as I felt distant and close to the stories. As if the articles were about someone else.  Missing chapters of a life, maybe I blocked those chapters out for a reason. That is my survival. It is like having the ability to rewrite the story or atleast turn the page. 

Another Chapter

 If all there is but just one more day

I'd spend each moment with you,

the irony is in how short life is

and the simplicity of heavens blue.

I'm celebrating each season 

as only lovers can really do, 

I don't know what you're thinking

I know there is only one love true.

The warmth and kindness 

has never left this heart of mine,

the gift of love renders like 

honey sweetened wine. 

If there's an afterlife 

wouldn't that be amazing too,

for I would dance upon the heavens 

embraced just me and you. 

I looked up at the night sky

and the stars were shining back, 

and that very moment I knew

that they are shining down

wherever you are at.

When I woke up you weren't here 

but your presence I could feel,

as if the dreams of love bring

your heart and soul near.

The sweetness touched my lips,

your embrace held me tight 

and somehow I could feel you 

as that moment was such a delight.

I couldn't help but smile

when the warmth came over me,

and from that very moment I 

was in a state of peace.

I am right with the world

and the Lord above, 

for I have felt your presence

through the magic of love.

Each day is a beginning, 

I don't believe in ends, 

just another chapter 

to rewrite the lose ends. 

Slips Away

 Winter white graces the hills,

 in an uncanny canvas in still.

The rainbow stretched across the sky

a brief vision of nature penned in time.

I gazed on out the window as I've done before,

leaving behind yesterday to see what today has in store.

There is always a little magic that graces the day 

as I reach on out and hold it before it slips away.

Always and ...

 Closing my eyes and seeing you with my mind 

and feeling you with my heart....today and always.