Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda

 Circumstance plays a part, choice is empowerment, fate is the ultimate ending. We get where we were always meant to be, it just might take a little longer. 

It is what it is

Fate and circumstances 

might map the day

but ultimately choices 

lead the way. 

Can't erase the past

each chapter in play, 

tomorrow awaits

another new day. 

~

Hidden within

the emotions inside, 

cannot be written

a whisper remains.

I'll take it with me

I won't say a word,

in my heart you'll remain

forever and a day. 

 A memory, thought , fleeting moment. 

Questioning

 What is this emptiness, 

the void from inside, 

lost in the darkness 

incomplete passage of time. 

I thought it a puzzle 

with pieces to find, 

but it ended up a game

that played with the mind.

What is the meaning and

where leads the path?

The journey of life 

is passing quite fast.

I thought I knew all 

there was to know,

but I find myself questioning

what life has bestowed.

Just a Thought

 What is scary is how short life really is. 

If I could have done it over, I would have enjoyed each day a little more,

 worried a lot less and replaced want for accepting. 

I don't live with regrets ...what is , is 

~

I never realized how close love and hate were until I experienced both. 

I do believe souls cross paths for a reason. 

I no longer ache but feel an emptiness. 

Music can both agitate and soothe the soul.

If I could say what one thing matter most....that I loved. 

Spring is renewal, I feel that awakening. 

Nothing compares to the loyalty of your dog...now that is unconditional love. 

Spring Cleaning

 Advice " don't let your emotions rule"  It took me years to actually understand what that meant. I have always at an awareness of others or at least I thought I did. Not understanding where someone is coming from can lead you into a web that is difficult but not impossible to get out of. I am not sure if I have hardened or just learned to put emotions aside. I find that this emotional detachment helps me get through the day, where at one point it was the opposite and I was hanging on to a dream. I had that awareness of people early on. I thought about how adults felt when I was 7 and 8 yrs old. I guess that is why I was the pleaser. Pleasing others gave a sense of peace well to the surroundings but not to the inner soul.  In this time of solitude  it is much different. I have learned to find peace within myself without relying on others. 

I was looking through photo albums of those who smiled the most and realized they were the least to be happy. There is irony in that ...put on a happy face. It is funny you really never stop learning. If you do, you are not longer alive. 

This is the time of no stress and conflict, no want need and yet the world is ruled by the anger of mother nature and man made wars. The ugliness seems far away at the moment or does it , for it is tree everyone has at least one story. Loss, emptiness, financial, heartache blah, blah, blah. 

Doing some spring cleaning and getting rid of the overly accumulated objects that are no longer necessary or as they say no longer bring me joy. Maybe we should do that with memories and thought , spring clean and get rid of what no longer brings us joy. The world would be a whole lot easier. 

Enjoying the warm weather, I promise to never to complain how warm it is after this awfully cold winter. There were a lot of goodbyes over the years like a seed in the wind blowing them away. My emotions no longer rule .

It is never what you think it is or as they say it is never what it seems. 

You

 I thought of you before I closed my eyes, 

so that you were the last thought on my mind. 

You have my hand and my heart from the start

as I go about dreaming dreams of you. 

I thought of you before I closed my eyes, 

so that you were the last thought on my mind. 

Loving you, loving me that is how it's meant to be

as I feel you body and soul next to me. 

I thought of you before I closed my eyes,

so that you were the last thought on my mind. 

Could it be just a dream that brought you here to me

as I close my eyes and kiss you good night. 

Simplicity

 More than a memory 

or a story to tell, 

as we were united 

and could not be quelled. 

One to one 

our souls unite

in a bond of forever

where dreams delight. 

~

It's early in the AM 

and the roosters  crow, 

but I have yet to sleep 

as my mind won't let go. 

Stuck on this page 

that repeats forevermore

challenges the dreams 

right to the core. 

I failed to understood 

what it all means , 

or the scattered emotions 

that in silence scream. 

My heart feels the warmth

of the sweetest dreams 

where you were sitting 

right here with me. 

Over and over 

I see the same scene, 

where you and I unite

in a visual of simplicity. 

Absence

There is a song yet to sing

and a story still not told  , 

in this dance between two

more precious than gold. 

Captures the moment

in a unbreakable spell, 

that drew me to you 

and away from hell. 

Freeing the soul

unleashing the hold, 

to soar the heavens

where true love unfolds.

Silent whispers 

from my heart to yours

need not be spoken

but beg for more. 

One more moment

and one more day, 

is all that I ask for 

as time leads the way.

I might not have seen it

or just refused to look, 

but the words were in front of me

like a well written book. 

It was based on need 

and want and desire

that I closed my eyes

as my heart felt the fire. 

Tears had fallen 

as I looked away, 

refraining from the absence 

that wedged its way. 

Silence

 In the silence of the night all you have are memories.

~

I've learned to appreciate being alone.

~

Not a fan of winter, glad it's almost over.

~

One thing about chapters, there is another one waiting to be written.

~

Passing ships in the night.

~

Shhhhh and you will hear hat matters most. 

~

 

 

Memory

 My earliest memory..." Don't leave the yard." My favorite childhood memory.. Putting my feet on my Dad's shoes as he teaches me to dance in the kitchen. One of my fondest dancing with my brother when we were adults. One of the most difficult... childbirth. Amazing that something so difficult can bring forward something so beautiful. It was once said by a friend that "now is not the time for learning but for enjoying the fruits of our harvest." But I have yet to stop learning as I share time with my daughter I find us experiencing and learning new things together. There are times I wish I could save her the pain of experience to only find that she has to experience to find her own path and that in no way can I shorten or lessen the pain of her path. 

When I was in a second hand store dropping off a box of clothes I heard and elderly couple talking. The old woman looked at a box and said to her husband " This is where we come to die as our memories end up a box at the second hand store. " When we die our memories go with us. Looking around the house at the knick knack and bric brac collected over the years I thought they are just items if you don't look at the stories behind them. My grandmothers powder box, my great grandmothers vase, the candy dish we picked up while antique shopping...things with memories attached. Our experiences, laughter and tears amount to a box of memories. 

The secret memories that I have kept tucked away. 

The lights of the city, 

the smell of cologne,  

the first poem written,

the fallen tears of heartache. 

The many chapters of life,

time quickly passed, 

love and fear, 

choices.

Hello and goodbyes, 

emotional attachment, 

destiny and fate,

energy of souls.