Moment in Time

There is a old saying " be careful what you wish for." It reminded me of the first conversation I had with my physical trainer. He said " "I hope you find what you are looking for." But as time progresses and I stepped beyond the world of my big backyard, I have come to understand men and women in a different light. As I ponder on that statement " I hope you find what you are looking for" I realize I wasn't looking for anything , my life was like a ball of yarn unraveling and experiences were introducing themselves one by one. In review I have come to terms with life. One being I don't need to validate myself nor do I need acceptance. Maybe it is caution that comes to the forefront. I understand in away that only experience can provide. The traits of humanity are like threads woven into each of us and stitched into place like a needle weaves into the heart and soul.
There was a certain protection that the gardens provided. I tended to their needs and they provided me year after year with beautiful flowers. But it wasn't enough, a part of me was on a slow death course. But I guess that is true of all of us. Part of thrives to see another day, while another part goes about documenting the moment that will soon become our yesterdays.
I am not sure I have always held the reigns on my emotions and yet the exploration revealed tears of sadness, days of joy and laughter. The questionable struggle with faith and the dreams that some how took over my waking moments found  me floundering. Almost as if with all the gains I had made I am still standing motionless as if in one place with my feet anchored to the earth. I freely gave the pen so that someone else could write the chapters but as I began to write I found that there were still missing components for happiness.  Part of me believes that I kept holding the most positive of experiences up to comparison and there is no comparison. As I turn the pages it is as if the words have fallen from the pages, leaving a book blank to the eye.Trying to look ahead page after page and more emptiness.  Maybe it is the pen of caution that  makes one becomesleery writing the words of the present and future.

I gave my heart,
revealed it so,
whispers of happiness
that won't let go.

Laughed and cried
raced through time
the memories of life
are simply mine.