The network in which we are a part of is ever changing and allows for a sense of instability. Like being pulled in different directions, survival, passion, desire, happiness, sadness. It only takes one person and their action to change the path we are on, either for good or for the bad. I sense my own fear, fear of tomorrow and yet I know today I achieved what I had never done before. I traveled to a place I have never been, even though it wasn't that many miles away. I set up my poetry and skincare at a festival. I left earlier than I normally would if the children were with me. I gave myself that cushion of time in case I got lost and slowly unloaded and set up for the Saturday and Sunday event. You would think this milestone would bring pleasure, instead it brought mixed emotions. It felt as it I had indeed stepped into the future. In all reality I am as I was one spirit in the wind. Yet the familiar faces, hugs and laughter reminded me that the benchmark documents not a moment of sadness, but the ability one possesses if one believes in oneself can and will achieve, thus rising to the occasion.
I am frightened and not, I know that I can, I know that I have and I know I have lived day made a difference and as they say if tomorrow never comes I have loved and I have been loved.
Why is it I am so restless? What is in the tears that fall? I have no answers, I know not the why, but as I turn the page another chapter shall I write. Sorrow is waiting, the day I cannot erase, but surely as the sun shines, darkness will take its place. When all seems so empty and fear maps the path, I'll reach for your hand my love and free my soul from my hellish past. No more tears will I weep, I have not chosen nor have I bequeathed, the time that is so unsettling is replaced by calm and peace.
Because I loved...