There is something about this time of year that brings a sort of closure. One of both a season and a year in passing. You can hear it and see it and actually smell the change through out the hills. The tree and plants react to both the hot days and the cold nights. I found it to be rather sad some flowers dying back and others reaching their fullest bloom.
The sadness is in a lack of reaching all my goals and building on dreams that have yet to become reality. I found it to be a confusing time, as it stirred memories of days long gone and yet I lost no sense of the current moment. It was at that time where a greater sense of awareness had surfaced. Almost as if I could identify the piece that I myself was within the puzzle. As if turning it around and around and trying to fit into the wrong part of the picture. It is like when you are working on a puzzle, a certain piece looks likes it will fit, has the same colors as a particular section of the puzzle and even is comparable in size. You move it around a few times and than you lay it down and all a sudden you look at it again and it takes on a different view. The same piece, the same size, the same color and all of a sudden you can identify where it belongs.I myself have felt the desperation of spinning around and trying to work into the puzzle. Over the weekend, I realized that people all gave to me a worth, they trusted my opinion and I wondered if I might let them down. Was I true to myself, or was it a fluff of an image?
I seem a bit sensitive today and partially that had to due with working the long days and very little sleep. In reviewing the weekend many moments stayed clear in my mind. Conversations, smiles, the lonely child, the flirtatious cook, the stranger, music and sunshine. It almost becomes an on again off again charge, like being on stage, smile, talk, smile, talk, and than when its over the adjustment to a sense of silence.