Without your love, I am an empty vessel with no direction.
I have never felt more alone than I do at this very moment. I am not sure exactly what strokes at my emotions, as it might be several issues. While it was a very hectic day yesterday and I was capable of pulling off 3 events in one day, I find today to be much of a let down. Exhaustion my head spinning, ears ringing and a emptiness inside. There is a certain amount of satisfaction received from work and yet on a personal note, my needs are not met. I will spending a few days with my mother.She is going in for minor surgery and I will be there to make sure she is okay. We spoke briefly today, as to assure her I would be there. In that short period of time we side stepped the operation as she is getting older and begging to question when her time on earth is over. I told her not to focus on the end but on each day which is a new beginning. There I was giving advice and bringing comfort to someone else, while I myself felt the loneliness. I never like driving into Pittsburgh and after a major accident this week, it has me a little on edge. I have felt many forms of loneliness and I guess today reflects another aspect of the internal emotions. It made me recall a conversation I had with my mother in ninth grade. At that time I questioned who I am , where my place in the world is and what it is I would set out to achieve. The so called journey has met with many detours and I can tell you that I have felt lost and at a dead end many times.
There are many human needs that make us feel whole. Security is a necessary feature in the quest to reach our final destiny. But as long as we balance the journey with our wants and needs, we will find less of an emptiness. The adventures at times seem meaningless, until I am able to share it and that leads us down the path of freedom. So wanting to experience the many freedoms, I find that as I am reaching , fear has anchored as it tries to hold me back. What exactly exist in this fear. That also varies throughout the day. I suppose that our vulnerability which is controlled by other than our own thoughts and actions surfaces. Time is not the only hurdle that we need to jump, but a very controlling one.For we really don't know how long we have to accomplish our goals upon the earth. But I don't believe that matters, as much as what we do and who we do it with.The experiences of the past have been quite confusing as they not only redirected my life but toyed with my emotions.
My head upon your shoulder,
your arms which hold me tight,
those are the needs of the moment,
to be with the love of my life.
The one who dares to listen,
to the whispers of my soul,
As it sings a sweet melody,
from which the day unfolds.
True Love is from the one who would never make you cry...,