Weary Soul

I have realized that the blog is kind of a diary and not. Though it does relate to my emotions at the time, it is rather an escape than reality. Kind of a glimpse into a world that exist as the heart would have it. This year ironically ending in 2013 seems to have started off with a bang. It is like being in one of those madhouse rooms where the walls close in on you. The space getting smaller and smaller and fear setting in as you gasp to breathe. I looked back over the years because our choices lead us down the path of tomorrow. The conversations recently with my mother and sister, revealed how different our lives are and yet how much they paralleled. What was the common factor? Making decisions based on the emotions of the heart and also I believe we were all taught to stand our ground and work it out. Did we create our own world or is our choices based on the world we are given? All I can describe are the anchors that hold me back instead of the wings that lift me up. Unlike a boat that has one anchor, I believe year after year we are giving many anchors that hold us in place for one reason or another. Some people call the anchors means to responsibility. My future daughter in law was talking about her fear of people, places and things and her attachment to my son. He is her safe place where she feels free to be herself, comfort and loved without judgement. I know that feeling to hide from the world, because as dysfunctional as it can be, you know how to handle it, what to expect and what is expected. On the other hand how unrewarding to not experience, as isn't it our goal upon this earth to experience and achieve completion in our goals set? Another cold white coating of winter wet crystals blanket the hills giving it fresh bright appearance. Yet, I feel that it acts as both a blanket to hide and a blanket to protect and still more it creates a chill as a reminder of the harshness that life can bring. I am a bit lost today, staring at work that needs to be done and not meeting up with the challenges. I feel fragmented, as if I were broken pieces needing placed back in some kind of order. Takes a deep breath and pulls it together and escapes through the daydreams soften the blows of an other wise frustrating time. I saw it before, many years ago, the red flags but didn't really know. Afraid to journey on, needing your hand, waiting on tomorrow, as it places demands. ~