Pictorial Prose

Pictorial Prose
Indulging my most lucid daydreams

Thursday, October 15, 2009

We have lived and loved

Whisper Sweet
The child in me,the song set free,
and the dance with you in every dream.
Dissecting the truth,
I place on you my claim,
like raindrops from the
heavens, my love infused
the same.
It is incredible the emotions that want to sing
from the heavens and hide under a rock.
Lust is a false representation of love...
but is enjoyable never the less.
Love is the energy that embraces hearts
and releases the soul to the heavens.
I spoke to my heart and my heart replied
" the dreams are here to soften the cry."
I spoke to my soul and my exclaimed
" you are free to live and love again."
I spoke to the heavens and they chose
to refrain, leaving me feeling a little insane.
I believe that any amount of heartache is
worth the opportunity to feel loves infusion with the soul.
It's life and the consequence of our choices
is view of our ultimate experience.
In a spiritual sense I have met both my soulmate and
my twin flame and stared the devil in the eye.

I found this in the archive, I'm not afraid anymore. It doesn't mean that I don't wonder what the future holds, just that it doesn't have the power and control it once did. I have grown, is it maturity? I thought it was an awareness or maybe an acceptance of the path we travel. But I guess more than anything I realize somethings we can't change nor should we spend energy trying. Ahhhh a Popeye quote," I yam what I yam"I don't need approval or false acceptance, I am not looking for praise or to change reality, what is, is.
I find especially with my own children how my heart will go out to them without actually taking into consideration my own wishes and well being. When I don't I feel a heavy sense of guilt. I am not here to respond or in some sense live out everyone else's dream. The dream that I now fulfill belongs to me.
I am not sure why things happen as they do or why the time is chosen, this I know that my Teddy bear might have taken back seat to the drive instructor, but he remains in the front seat through life. I am not accomplishing all I should be today. I am just dealing with life one day at a time. I think about my goal and yet I know that around the bend it is already set and stone and I am not sure I can alter that. What I do know is I have learned the hard way how to deal with all that will be exposed as we turn the bend. It reminds me when I first got my drivers license, I hated going around those sharp blind bends. But as time goes on you get comfortable behind the wheel of the car and you handle the road with a little more confidence. Now in life I am taking those blind bends and digesting them in away that cleanses the soul.
I found that in business, personal lives and also even in the internet networking that its all loosely bases on a game of sort. Maybe its their goal or all that they are capable of I have heard it called the " cattle mentality" where one follows the other and may make it a cross the field and achieve. But I have learned that success and friendship is not measured by dollars or how many people you know. I am successful beyond my dreams and I have a friend who is truly wonderful and if the wind redirects and time comes to and end I can say I lived life and felt love and dreamt the most wonderful of dreams are the most amazing journey ever.

We do because we can.

As a child I raced for the light before “ the crocodiles get me”. At times I find myself still racing for the light in life, afraid of the unknown. This anticipation of danger that causes such a anxiety that it agitates the mind. It is control at its wickedest .Many times people who were aware of my background would say “ you are such a strong person”. I found the most difficult situations to be the easiest to handle , because the unknown factor was missing and I could logically handle illness, insanity and death. It was clear like a deck of cards placed sprawled in front of me. No question to how many cards in the deck , take out one and many questions. Fear the ultimate in control of the unknown. It brings to mind the attack of the woulda, shoulda and coulda. The emotion feeds off of what we can’t see and touch. The ultimate weakness with which all other emotions branch. I find that you cannot separate fear from its counter partners , that of risk,insecurities , chance , mystery , madness, doubt and confusion. I have fought several fears through out my life, the fear of height and that of dropping a new born. Yet the greatest fear still lurks , the fear of test , the biggest test “ the test of life” on going and always in a state of metamorphose. Now that is the tough one, I can’t see it , I can’t feel it and it constantly challenges me . Where is the light?Damn those crocodiles!

I was out and about walking as I was taking in the fall foliage and all of a sudden I came across a bend in the road. You can't see around it, so you really don't know what is ahead. Life is very much the same way,there is always something to catch you off guard. I kept thinking how smooth the road and then bam! and your faced with romance, heartache, success, failure, happiness, sadness, various trials and triumphs. Off all the experiences we meet up with each reveals something about our internal response to life.
Feeling the stress of all that needed to be done and reviewing my responsibility. It was difficult as I had to admit that my heart was lenient,my soul weakened and my mind so over confused. Lost in the moment, I found the cool air and the surrounding hills to be comforting. Here in the hills there is no judgement only acceptance. I felt relaxed as my mind went through a cleansing process and yet there was still no certain clarity.
I knew what I was going through was the lessons of tomorrow. Some how out of the negative would rise the positive. Thy sky remained a dark grey and the winds picked up as the misty rain continued to fall. Unprepared for the heavier raindrops, I was drenched as I started back home.
When all was said and done, yesterday and tomorrow matter very little in comparison to the moment. I felt only sadness for those who could not embrace what today brings, rejoice in the celebration of the beauty that life bestows upon us.

I can see beyond the mountains
as the greater view is through the heart.
It is clear that the changing of the leaves
documents that we have lived and loved.

1 comment:

Margie said...

Today is all we really have.
I rejoice in the beauty of each moment as that moment shall never come again.

Loved each and every word you shared here.
Thank you!