If you could turn the heart inside out for all to see,
it would reveal to the world just what you mean to me.
Once every year I would attend the circus that was sponsored by the Pittsburgh Shriners . Always having a fear of heights, I was drawn to the tight rope walkers. Their slow but steady steps from one side of the arena to the other intrigued me as I compared them to the walk through life. The tight walkers performance was based on the artistry of balance. Of course like the many people watching them strut from high above the crowd, we fear for the step which would throw them off balance and land them in the nets below.
In all of life there needs to be a balance and more than often we lean to one side or the other thus revealing how fragile life really is. Our thoughts and actions and the weight of our decisions are only part of the balancing act. When we add family, friends, co workers we find that we are not always in control of the walk through life. The heaviness placed upon us makes each step that much more difficult as we begin to realize the altercation that surfaces from the outcome of different thoughts and actions.
I woke this morning and looked out the window at how nature controlled the moment. I tried to get and early start on my bedding plants to find the weather falling down into the freezing temperatures. Sometimes I feel so on top of my game that I am like the straight walker who has made it to the other side. But this morning is very different as I prepare to drive into a area for the first time alone, I am over come by the unknown. The road is mapped in my mind, of the distance and the times to turn and still anxiety of sort plays with my mind. I realized that I was like that since a child wanting to know whats around the corner before you get around it, wanting to know word for word what was on a test before I took it. Once mapped in my mind rarely did I forget anything, but taking the moment one at a time into the unknown, was equivalent to being lost in the abyss.
As I pondered on how the choices of my adult children and their decisions would affect my life, such as military, college, marriage, It was obvious that the only true control you can have over your life is your own individual thoughts and how we respond to the situations that arise. The key to the balance is knowing how to deal with the unknown that lay in front of all of us.This is where the inner difficulty comes into play, the real tight rope walk through life. No GP map to tell me where to go and which way to turn. Taking a deep breath and realizing that this next step in the road was the most important and that is how to deal with loneliness. Take one by one a step and not holding anyone's hand, not having anyone to say yes turn here.
I renewed my drivers license, its been four years now since my first legal drive and still so much to learn, to map in my head. If anything driving has taught me that there is actually very little time to make major decisions. Taking a deep breath and pulling it all together, today will be just another step and the importance is how well I balance it.
It is an emotional time for me as locally one young man arrived home in a casket and my son will be taking off today to Camp Pendleton . Yes this is his decision, the path he follows and his choices will be reflected through out his journey.
Steps of independence , everyone experiences it in a different way and at different times. Feeling like the oldest sixteen year old today, my stomach in a tizzy, taking that step high above it all across the straight rope of life.
Walking slowly, step by step,
unbalanced, stumbles and fear
now grows, as I wonder if the
Warm smile, tender heart,
reveals love from the start,
reached on out and let you
in and there is where the
I wouldn't call it relaxing and I was glad when I was at the end,
as I traveled down the highway with my emotions on the mend.
To each individual a story,
a path that we shall take,
to lead us on the journey
on the road beyond what
the dreams have made.
Not always will it be
easy, we will know not
where it leads, but at
the end it shall be written
that love conquered and
aimed to please.
My promise is indefinite,
like the wind through the trees,
scripted to the heavens,
our love was meant to be.
It is amazing how memories once cast never fade away and as I explore them once again, like a warm summer day, I understand the importance of the dreams that love creates. It is amazing when the heaviness begins to fall and I doubt the road before me and the darkness that comes to call. All it takes is one thought and like magic in the wind the truth of love brings to life a happiness from within.