Pictorial Prose

Pictorial Prose
Indulging my most lucid daydreams

Friday, October 15, 2010

The Final Chapter

I have always been one of those people who needed to know the end first.I still to this day  read magazines from the back to the front and the last chapter in a book and than work my way forward. Early on in life I was pretty certain I knew how my life would play out. You follow the rules of life, you keep within the comfort zone and you ride smooth like a train on steel roller coaster tracks, up and over the bumps of life and than coming into the finish rather smoothly. I am not quite sure exactly where in the context of lifes book that I realized that not everyone plays by the same rules. I imagine that the more contact I had with people, the more I understood that not everyone is on the same page and in the same chapter of their life. For many years there was a restlessness, one that I could not really explain. I had this vision and it was rather comfortable at the end you die in the arms of love, loving and being loved. It is the ultimate goal that people seek out next to happiness. Except that no one was holding me and I didn't feel loved. I thought that I was just extra needy and that I myself was not understood and than it seemed clear that I was trying to fit into another persons vision. As time went on the restlessness had deepened, almost as if the journey had a control of its own and I am just walking on its path. I tried to grasp what this uncertainty was and it occurred to me that  it wasn't just like the magazines and the book, I wasn't able to read the final chapter of my life and I had no idea where it was heading. Or maybe that is completely wrong and I have had a glimpse of the final chapter and I was saddened, that a lifetime of choices had led me on a massive detour. I again looked at life and I saw the limitations of the mind and the unlimited hunger of the soul and of course to confuse it all the needs of my heart. Certainly we all know of our limited time on earth and yet we don't know exactly where we are going and what we are going to achieve while we are here. I found that all to be a bit troubling, as I wished for a schematic that says exactly what road to take and what is at the end of the road. I guess in reality the outcome really matters very little if what we are to achieve is done so embracing love. I again ask myself " why is life so confusing ?" " What is the ultimate goal?" " and what and how do we achieve true happiness?" It might be the changing of the season which so documents another year that I find myself questioning the road I am on." Keeping life in context it's not about the end but how we live and what we give and how we feel about all that we have achieved in this short period of time on earth. Happiness in its pure unadulterated form is simply love. ~

In this chapter of life we dance and sing in the presence of love. ~ 


Anonymous said...

i would think that it would be me the 1 holding your hand in the last moments of your life .We laughted we cryed the joy you brought into my life.Althought our lifes together was short it was you the that taught me the real meaning of love and life. This feeling I have for you I can't hide it comes from deep down in side .For you are the love of my life .

Anonymous said...

I would think that I would be the 1 to hold your hand in the last moments of your life to be with the person who taught me the real meaning of love and life.We laughted we cryed, the love and joy you brought into my life .This feeling i have for you inside comes from deep down in side for you are the love of my life

Rachel C Miller said...

What a beautiful thought thank you!