Pictorial Prose

Pictorial Prose
Indulging my most lucid daydreams

Sunday, December 26, 2010

My Thinking Place

Where all is possible...

Each season I take a stroll down over the hill to where Brownsville stream flows into ten mile and I  can see that even though it looks very much the same there have been minor erosion and build up. One tree had fallen and it created  an island of sand to stand on...so I no longer had to jump across the stream.Which really goes to show that nothing really stays the same and I guess that is a good thing as it shows our ability to morph and grow within our very own seasons of life. I have compared my life to that of a tightrope walker, trying to balance myself to keep from falling. But if i should fall



Like your love as it flows from my heart into my soul!

....if tomorrow should never comes.

Sings>I wanna say I reached up high , 
climbed the mountain with you by my side
I wanna dream and have  it  come true,
to live my life loving you.

I wanna be your stars at night, the one
that twinkles through your eyes.
I wanna hold you, hold you tight and 
whisper I love you both morning and night.

 I wanna sink my feet in the sand and 
walk the shore hand in hand. 
I wanna watch the sun rise  and smile
and laugh from deep down inside.

I believe that I   have  felt  the void of love for so long,
 that it created an uncontrollable need to feel it. 

Sing softly with words of passion
from my heart to the one I love.
Listen as my soul tells the reason 
that everything life has a season.


It occurred to me that I hadn't been down to the place where I can sit and think and be one with my surroundings for some time. But as I walked and felt the wind rip through my hair and the brisk winter chill on my cheeks I felt a sense of peace as the child who loved winter met with the adult who denied the love of the blustery season. I am not so fond of the survival part of it, trying to maintain heat in the house etc, but there is something awful serene about the newly fallen snow that blankets the hollow.
I wondered what had changed over the years that made me deny my love for all the seasons and than I realized that it wasn't one thing, but many choices which devoured bit by bit my own personal identity. In my foolishness to please I forgot that which is most important and that is exploring each moment in a day and mastering the ability to live it as it was meant to be.
Survival, I guess that is all I really ever knew was how to survive not necessarily how to enjoy life but how to survive life until I understood that some people live to die and I die to live.There is an old adage that " you can be a part of the problem or a part of the solution" The importance of that statement has more to do with our own actions than with those of others. As we become aware that we can really only be responsible for our own thought and our own actions only than are we able to break free of the dysfunction caused by others.
Many years back a total stranger and I were talking, I don't know her name and I  never spoke to her again. I said to her " I feel like I am drowning" and she said " I threw you a rope it is up to you with what you do with it"  The rope was made of the threads of awareness woven together by someones ability to listen. This was one of my first wake up calls, after that there would be several more major wake up calls to appear in my life. It was important to recall the minor lessons of life and renew them as I now understood that power and how people try to control in various ways. It was of major importance in the taking the steps forward to being responsible for my own life.
I thought that I had made great strives and achieved  in many ways but what I did was let go of one great achievement and replaced it with another. I had to learn to integrate both my personal achievements, business and social into one. I found this to be difficult and so looked for crutches along the way. I am worthy of being respected, loved and treated kindly. I don't deserve to be accused, threatened nor treated less than.
Maybe it is the season as we have come to another end of a year and we look to improve upon the next. I didn't think it was possible to gain more knowledge on a personal note, but as long as we are alive, we have so much more to learn. I have always felt like I walked to the beat of my own drum, at least in my mind, this year I will do it on a level that will bring a new light to the horizon.

Welcome to my thinking place,
where I know that I can go and
sit along the hillside and watch
the water flow.

I gaze into the water and time
can pass me by, because nothing
here matters just the dreams that
flow through my mind.

I wanted to find my place within the winter surroundings to feel the chill take to my heart and freeze it still as not to feel any pain. To close my eyes and allow the snowflakes to blanket my spirit like that of the hills. But something called out to me to return and my eyes swelled and a tear fell and I felt like a pawn in the game of life.

I am but a page in the seasons of life .

I love the rain as it touches my soul
and awakens my spirit with a tale
of old.  Reminders of yesterday
when I was young and enjoyed
the play.

The summer sun and a restless
soul look to the season to
unleash its hold.

Autumn colors reds and gold,
a week or two and winter

Snow and ice and a winter chill,
a breath of life through the windy

Seasons come and seasons go but the
memories retained through a lifetime

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