January 3rd

I can't believe we are three days into January. In the heart of winter, we are dealing with a bout of temperatures in the teens, high winds and snow. There are very few days where the sun seems to penetrate the darkened clouds and yet we know this to shall pass.
Last night as my son and I were heading into town on the ice covered roads, he lost control of the vehicle. Immediately you become aware of your vulnerability to the climate as well time. As if in slow motion and not the car spun around and started sliding backwards down the hill. I stiffened up as if I could brace for the final slide into the snow covered  embankment. To far to turn back we continued to the store an was quickly relieved at the sight of the salt trucks coming up the hill in the opposite lane. Everything is time and place, a few seconds sooner and we would have slid into the car in front of us, a little later and we might have collided with the salt truck. Today as the  snow and wind brought more of the winter wonderland down around us, I chose to stay home hidden under the blankets. It is times like this that we become more aware of what we have and what we can lose. I imagine that it is my mind working overtime that has me scanning the past and wondering what tomorrow will bring.
The year despite draw backs was a very good year. I can sense the comfort that exist between me and the people I meet through work.  I thought to myself it is not as important how much I sold as it was a level of trust that exist between the customer and I. Not that they were coming back each time to purchase but the relationships that is built between two people in away that spouts a true achievement. This is my reward as I bumped into a woman who is very excited about my products. Yes, I have a sense of pride, something that I make has reached a certain level of acceptance with people inside and out of my community.
On a personal level I feel an emptiness, one I cannot completely explain. But it leaves a chill as if I am somehow still trapped in a web spun by the many people in my life. Partly it is the hurdles that I have to challenge and the barriers that keep popping up in front of me.
There is so much to see and do that I can't help wonder if we are ever comfortable when our time on earth is ended. I thought back many years ago, when I was in the ICU. If a person could be ready I was ready. I remember not having any fight in me and yet time has once again proven that we go when its our time and no sooner.

The snow is falling
winter is indeed here,
the only sunshine is
when I dream you near.

Cold and windy ,
a blustery day,
a chill to my heart,
won't go away.