I looked back over the last eight years at the remarkable lessons that were revealed throughout that time period. There was an on going conflict between what my heart felt and what my mind actually knew and a certain amount of extremes and various signs that I refused to acknowledge. I constantly told myself that the little impropriety that exposed itself was nothing more than human denial.
There are times throughout your life you just need to be in someone's light absorbing their energy and because of that you overlook the negativity and hold onto the positive. I remind myself every so often that " silence speaks volumes" it is whats not been said that is even more important than that which has been conversed.
The Un- Birthday, this particular day has various meanings, one was a new beginning, another deceit and they straddle between fantasy and reality. I want to believe and to remember all the strides that were made by allowing one soul to touch another.
Like the erogenous zone that performs from stimulation, the mind also responds to the arousal of the spirit. I was given a necklace sealed and enclosed inside is a daisy. One of the petals is missing and it reminds me of the child like game we use to play ' he loves me, he loves me not. " I would like to think the one petal missing represents that he loves me, but all I can be sure of is that I loved.
In a game of ping pong, the ball is hit back and forth across the table, this is how my emotions very much felt. I realized how I allowed my emotions to be toyed with and how I accepted so little when I needed so much. My hopes and dreams and reality all seemed up for grab as I wanted to believe in the beautiful magic of life and love.
Over the years I tried desperately to find my place to where I belong and it wasn't till recently that I understood that I didn't fit in anyone else's world that they needed to fit in mine. My exposed thoughts revealed the extremes of existence through life and death and our very weakness which sheds light on our vulnerabilities.
So close and so distant..