I Know What I have, What I Have in You.

Like the wind that brushes up against my cheek,

may you feel my love touch your very soul.

~

I lay here surrounded by darkness and unable to fall asleep as my mind scatters like seeds in the wind. Drawing on my emotions, I scanned the memories which were filed according in the heart and mind. I wondered had time given each experience a different perspective or was it maturity that surfaced with the reality of a long and twisted journey? In my belief that everyone and everything happens for a reason, I tried desperately to understand the journey markers in the path traveled and that which awaits the next step.
There are definitely situations that I have yet to completely understand and the pang of my own wants and desires merely confuses the reality of life. It seem as if all of life were placed on index cards and in reading them one at a time you get a glimpse of that which leads us to the current moment. Some things are definitely easier to comprehend almost as if we consume them and digest them appropriately.
The obvious clarity was draped with a fog that made it almost impossible to see. Yet I knew if I closed my eyes the images that my heart so conjured up were of a simple nature. The demands of the heart and soul in a combination of experiences of the past and dreams of tomorrow. There is a mesh of entrapment compared to that of a spiders web, the more I move, the stickier the trap. I find the strength is found in the absorption of energy. That which is needed like fuel to the flame, to feed the heart and ignite the soul a blaze. Without the gathering of energy, I feel lost spiritually, physically and emotionally. There must be a reason that a heart aches and a soul cries out, the trials and tribulations documented so that those who follow will understand.
My dreams soften the blow of reality and yet they cannot erase the errors of time upon the moment. The many faces of the people who crossed my path swirl like a camouflage upon the canvas of life. The flames die out as if spent energy was weaning itself from the facts that led us to this very moment.
Intrigued by the power of love, this is the reality, that the more I see, the more you are what I want to see, the more I experience, the more the experiences which lead me to you, the more my heart aches, the more soothing the feel of your embrace. The facts that reveal them self are the signs of truth. There is an ongoing battle, one which is much like a traffic light. Stop, Go, Proceed with Caution.


I think I am tired..Good Night

~
I woke up this morning not quite disoriented but with a heaviness of thought. It felt dark and cold and it was at this very moment that I was aware of the importance of your love. As I made my way to the gardens and felt the sun upon my face, it was obvious that a moment of nothing is everything. So I welcome you to enter the gardens, tempt you to take in the beautiful fragrance of of the June roses. Take my hand and follow me to the place where everything is possible and the love that we feel freely cascades from the heart and can be seen like the wild rose's reflection on the cold mountain streams.

In the flower garden, I'm waiting there for you
with candles lit upon the grass and the birds singing
a song or two. The dogs don't seem to mind us,
the ducks quacking their own song, but I don' t hear
anything I now have you along.

This special moment, meant for you and I, to dance under the blue,
the bluest of skies. My vision widened and the view from the soul,
takes in your presence in the most safest of hold. Imagine the
moment, let it take you by surprise, that you and I have mastered
the dreams that get us by.

Place your arms around me and never let me go, my head upon
your shoulder and my heart rapidly beating so. The trees are the
framework and our love the canvas of desire, where love boast
of happiness heavenly empowered.

Magical the moment, love endured, conquers the hour
for you now entered my world and here we will explore
what had inspired. The sweetness of the moment, that placed
your soul to mine,on the journey of unselfish love that
nothing shall divide.
~




You are here with each moment, the joy in my heart, woven of happiness, it is how our love got its start.Sheer magic that everyone can see, but only matters to the ones who dare to dream. I am ever privileged to have you here with me, to embrace throughout my life and in all my fondest memories. Exquisite the moment captured by the soul, floating in ecstasy into a lovers hold. Wiping every tear drop, loving every smile, expanding into a dimension that has no sense of miles. My kisses to the wind, my heart in your embrace and we now become the moment that nothing can replace.




Without you I am but meaningless flesh
whose existence is fragile at best, with you
I am one with the world complete and empowered.

~
To let you go would be to allow the ache
a permanent place in my heart and soul.


~
It is your love for me that has so tenderly embraced
my soul while leading me down the path of tomorrow.

When my heart is troubled and heavy like winter snow,

it dreams of all the pleasures that loving you as sowed.

~

It has been another all day rain and it makes the foliage from the low carpet of greens to the rolling hills filled with a variety of northern trees appear like a lush over grown forest. We celebrated my son's birthdays yesterday evening. A huge cookout and a bit to late the ribs didn't agree with me. I lay awake with a monster of a headache and just not quite up to par. It is times like this when the mind is most idle that I begin to think of all that has happened in my life. I had a several emails lately that have been sent by young people who wanted to share their poetry with me. One was a young woman who wanted to share in the love she is experiencing another is the unusual deciphering of dreams and the wisdom of what is truly failure and another on the feelings of being lost and finding their place in a world to large to understand.

I found that there was a good bit of wisdom in their young thoughts and I was honored that they cared to share them with me.The creating of a poem is unlike any other writing when written by the heart through the soul and is the personal and emotional gift one can share.

The poem I received today was the most important as the message was ' there is no failure until you have given up" I scanned my own thoughts on the subject as I have many times over the years wanted to as they say" throw in the towel' It is very frightening the emotions that teeter on going forward or standing still and tipping over.

Where will the journey take us and why? I am not sure I have those answers, sometimes you think you have a grasp of it all and than you realize that only so much is choice. There is a full range of issues that we deal with and they span not only what I believe is a mixture of faith, destiny, dreams, hope, inspiration but also a lesson is involved and it doesn't seem to fall under any particular title.

Maybe because it's not one lesson but many lessons. I find that some days are more of a struggle than others and that might have to do to the network of people who are entwined in our life. We find ourselves sometimes searching, trying to understand,wanting to make sense of it all. I looked at on a personal note, what is it I wanted to achieve? Financial success? Personal peace? They were two issues that I teeter back and forth with. I stopped to see my friend Brenda, I told her I was in a mood all week, one where you want to run away and not look back, she said " me too". I don't understand why this week felt so heavy nor the place of dark thoughts. There was something that a young friend of my son said, she said if you ever left they wouldn't know how to survive with out you. I thought that was nice of someone so young on the outside looking in to say. That she not only saw a worth in me, that she saw that my worth overflowed to those around me. In many ways I still have that feeling of separatism of being different than the people around me. Sometimes I am not quite sure what it all means. At the last event the weather was bad and 95 percent vendors didn't make a sale, but they all commented that people flock to me and that many enjoy the chat and purchasing products from me. It feels strange because there is no real connection, you meet them for a brief moment and than they are gone and they think you are something you are not. I don't mind the work, some of it I kind of love. Though balancing it can be difficult it is not like 9 to 5 job.

I thought about my feelings of loneliness,surrounded by people and yet isolated in a sense. I thought about you and how you said I'll never be alone. I understood more of what being alone meant, it was understanding the inner being and almost as if we search for an inner being of our own kind, someone who understands, loves you for that person you are on the inside. Again it took me to you and I thought he loves me, he really loves me and I'll never be alone. I closed my eyes to feel your embrace and I could not stop the tears from flowing. I love you too!

Sings>I know what I have, what I have in you,

I know when a dream, a dream comes true.
From the moment you spoke and my heart
skipped a beat, I felt the love that makes
souls sing.


I know what I have, what I have in you,
I know when a dream, a dream comes true.
There was something special from the start,
an amazing moment under the sun and the stars.


I know what I have, what I have in you,
I know when a dream, a dream comes true.
Nothing had ever felt like this, like one
everlasting magical kiss.


I know what I have, what I have in you,
I know when a dream, a dream comes true.
Fireworks and comfort that my soul never
knew until the day it met up with you.


I know what I have, what I have in you,
I know when a dream , a dream comes true.
From the flow of the river to the mountains,
we conquered it all to be side by side.


I know what I have, what I have in you,
I know when a dream, a dream comes true.
I never saw it, it was by surprise, when I
opened my heart and you jumped on inside.


I know what I have, what I have in you,
I know when a dream, a dream comes true.
In one moment and with hope we embrace,
on the road guided by love and faith.


I know what I have, what I have in you,
I know when a dream, a dream comes true,
I pray to the heavens in the sky above and
thank the angels for sending your love.
~


I found myself counting the stars in the sky and
somehow I drifted to another place and time.
I lay in your arms, close and yet so far, in a
kiss that feels like forever, blowing in the
wind like full grown heather.


I tried to tell you, make you understand,
that the dance of love is not a dream in
fairytale land. Mystical and wonderful
a love from above sent us on collision
of heart to heart in a union of one.


... and forever I'll always love you!

Brick by brick a tower, a wall heavy and high,
meant to imprison the spirit and chain it
till it dies. Chills all through my body, a
shiver through the mind, as we overcome
the obstacles built over time.

Grasping in the darkness, shards like steel
pierce this heart of mine and as I wake
unto the moment my emotions I cannot
deny. My heart is not a playground and
no guest can you be, like marshmallows
on a sunny day, you merged one with me.

~