Pictorial Prose

Pictorial Prose
Indulging my most lucid daydreams

Friday, June 18, 2010

Thank You

It is a standing joke about whether my name is Rachel or aka Autumn. One of my customers emailed me today and they said," I don't know what to call you Rachel or Autumn?" There is always conversation about where Autumn came from. In many ways I think we all have a depth to our personality that is not always seen, in some ways Rachel can be shy and feel awkward in situations and being Autumn allows me to be stronger in some ways, especially when it comes to speaking in front of people and crowds. I think at times if life were not based on survival the outcome would be very different. Sometimes I think to myself do I know who I am?
One of my dearest friends tried to explain the difference in people's personalities, almost in a way that he wanted me to protect myself. He said "everyone is capable of many things both good and bad, usually what you see is what people want you to see and than he went on to tell me how he slaughtered hogs " ugh. That is a pretty scary thought, that people are portraying the traits in which they wish to reveal. I laughed and I tried to refrain from thinking of the moving Sybil that came out in 1976,which was about a woman who through trauma had survived with many personalities. All in all I think we all have a blend of positive and even negative traits. I always thought of myself as kind of a people person and not. I believe there is a balance that is necessary for me between nature and the joy of meeting people. In many instances, especially when I arrive home, I have learned to enjoy my day off,gather my composure and recuperate from the let down that comes with being out of adrenaline. The very adrenaline and excitement that gets me through a trade show or event. Learning who we are and what we can achieve and even what we should achieve takes some doing.
There are many people who seem to right from get go know where there life is going. For me it took many years to find the path I am on and even then I still find new and exciting things to explore around each bend. Is it creating an image or is this as my sister always said part of who I always was? In many instances I think she is right, it wasn't until I had been given the opportunity that I have been granted that I was able to expand on the knowledge that I already had. Some people believe that this time of life is not the time for learning, but I think there is no time that we shouldn't be learning. One thing I know from the days of living in a rural area without transportation to my time amongst people is that the more contact you have the more inspirational becomes the moment. I think we need the contact to create our own thoughts and encourage us to step into new territory as we distance ourself from the comfort of what we already know. This is how we learn and how we grow. I thought briefly about my thoughts on the passing of one of the vendors I worked with and it occurred to me, that when our number is up it's up. It's about what we do with the time while we are here. Sometimes I feel like that the responsibility always falls on my lap, but that's okay someone has to do it. As I prepare to arrange a summer outing with my mother, my elder son and his family and my own children, I realize that I am the director for the day of life long memories and well that's okay. I am looking forward to photographing my grand children on the amusement park rides and seeing my mother, for who knows as we all get older how much time we will have here on earth.
Rachel or Autumn? I believe I am one person with weaknesses and strengths and in the process of exploring these individual traits we find that as we grow we will appear different to different people. In many ways I believe the path was placed before us due to circumstances, but I also know each comes with various forms of opportunity. Rachel used nature as an escape, therapy and relaxation, Autumn she loves the attention and she steps away from her responsibilities to allow Rachel to be all she can be. Sounds a bit silly but I believe that everyone can look inside them self and see who they are and who they wish to be.
I did a small oil painting it's not finished yet, I wish it would dry. I am not so much an artist but it has a poem that goes with it and like the words that my fingers so quickly type, it is just another view of the inner workings of my soul. Little preview... I can't count the treasures from the mountains to the sea but a few are so close as the gold fish and the finch who flies so free. Unique and rare are the gifts given to me as I can find them daily and nightly in my dreams.

Thank you for loving me, all of me... when I am laughing, when I am crying, when I am dancing on clouds and when I am running a round like a chicken without its head, ugh. The true treasure is in your unselfish love and the way you accept unconditionally Rachel aka Autumn. I love you more!

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