Pictorial Prose

Pictorial Prose
Indulging my most lucid daydreams

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Show me the way...

For the most part of life, I felt I lived with no regrets. That we all are on our own journey, through a river of positive and negative experiences. Each becoming a lesson about life and the emotions expressed along the way. There are times that I could have done something differently, that has become a thorn like memories whose jab haunts the mind. Ah , I recognize where I am at, I am at the chapter of regrets. My eyes swell as I hold back tears. I thought to myself this cannot be , I made choices I cannot be in this chapter of regret. Yet here I am. My regrets were not the usual type, no time for family, not following dreams, losing contact with friends, children, etc. I think that regrets just falls under the title of choice. Everything we do in life has us making choices. For the most part, I stood by my choices. I dedicated myself to family, I found sometime to follow a few dreams, I kept in contact with friends and I sure had done my deed for the population explosion by having six children. What could I possibly regret?
I regret that I lost my independence. As I battled to find out who I was and where I belonged, I found myself troubled. Maybe for the most part I lived my life according to someone else's book, but when I started to write the pages, I saw that I was writing upon a page infused in fear. Which brings us back to choice, do I regret my choices? or is simply that I regret where my choices had taken me?
Entrapment, like the canary in a cage, that waits for the cage to be open, so as to fly and to find it returns back to the open cage. It is like waiting to taste freedom, to find that out you don't where you belong and so you return to where you have become accustomed.
1. I regret that not wanting to hurt others, I hurt myself.
2. I regret moments in time when I did not react fast enough and allowed the moment to slip away from me.
3. I regret that it took so long to find myself.
4. I regret that what I wanted most, I feared most.
5.I regret that I didn't recognize my strengths and weaknesses sooner.
You can't erase what is already written. You maybe not be able to rewrite yesterday and as it difficult as it may seem the pen is our hand alone as we are given a blank page for tomorrow. Therefore I cannot change the choices that have brought me to this moment in time, I hope that in recognizing who those around me are and who I am that the next chapter that awaits will be amazing.

I'll not let time pass away,
with out a word or two,
so as I whisper to the wind,
my love I send to you.

Frightened by the darkness,
fearful of the day,
who controls the journey
and sends us on our way?

I rule the moment,
I control the day,
I write the chapter
in a pleasing kind of way.
The time has come
and again choice appears,
and I ask myself who is
it that really cares?

Worries if I am lonely
and will hold me in the
night on the journey
that is so fleeting
yet worth the fight?

I question not the love I have
nor the love I have to share,
for the moment that I met you,
I knew how much you cared.

You held my hand and touched
my heart in a magical kind of way
and that is how our souls bonded
into a weave that is stronger with
each day.


Margie said...

Dearest Rachel
I love how real you are in how you express your thoughts and your emotions.
I feel like such a kindred spirit as this could me writing what you have shared here.

I follow many bloggers that share a lot about who they are(some of it I do not always believe to be true though, but I know what you share is always honest and true)
You have a genuine and real heart and I love reading all you share.

Thanks for sharing this.
I feel so blessed to know you.

Have a wonderful and safe Memorial Day weekend.


Rachel C Miller said...

Hello Dear Margie,

I have always believed that everything happens for a reason, the people we meet, those who become a major of our life and those in passing. Sometimes it is the meeting of kindred souls and that teaches us that no matter how distant we feel at times, we are never alone. I have at times felt the " the alone in a crowded room syndrome" to only realize we are never truly alone.
I am happy to have met you and glad that you can relate to my own trials and triumphs No matter where I am at the moment, I try to end my thoughts on a positive note. We have so much to deal within life , that it sometimes is difficult to see outside of own box. It is at this moment in time that we have to step outside that box to see that we are not much different than those around us. Life is a book, we all have different and different chapters but never the less it all contains the same emotions. Happiness,sadness, success, failures, fear, strengths, passion, love, desire.
Thank you Margie for opening up and sharing. We are kindred souls.